Sometimes ago, I had vowed that I will never get married. I had grown up in a separated family and every time I looked at my parents’ wedding photos, I would cry and cry and cry. I could not understand how a couple could have such a wonderful church wedding and then just separate and leave the children suffering. But as I left teenage, my worldview began to change and soon I got my first boyfriend. My reasons could have been wrong but by the time I was in my late 20’s, I had become so fond of marriage that I started praying for a spouse to locate me. This change did not come overnight; I had to take a long walk with God and Bible teachers to shed off the belief that marriage was stressful.
There came a time I would think of my sexagenarian, octogenarian nonagenarian and centenarian years as a lonely woman, and I did not like how it felt.
There are many women who choose to stay single because of their careers, while others say that a man is an unnecessary burden in their lives. While you are young, life seems fun because you have this girlfriend to go out with, that one to visit over for the weekend…and many road trips to keep you busy and connected. You might be having a thriving career that gives you all the money you need to go on holidays, shopping abroad and everything else that can make a successful young woman happy. But have you imagined how your life will be at 50, 60…90? Most of your friends will be married, and with a full house – a husband, children, grandchildren…
Some women have chosen to bear a child ‘just in case’ they don’t get married. Well, the truth is that that one child will grow up just like you, find a career in the city or abroad just like you, and be so occupied with life that they will not have time to visit their parent(s) just like you. And this is where most people make a mistake.
You see, it is good to get children but if you are getting them to give you company, you are misled. It is good to have a thriving career but if your life revolves around making money, you will live a very miserable life.
Already, you should know where I am going with this article.
Why did you marry the person you’re with, or why do you want to marry the person you’re courting? If it is for children, you need to talk to ensure that your parents are enjoying your company. If it is for money, think about what will happen when the money is not there.
After a long reflection, I came to realise that marriage is important for procreation, but the main reason for marriage should be companionship. I want to marry somebody who will give me company for as long as both of us are alive, not until the next beautiful girl is born. I want someone who has time to go places with me, see the world with me, talk to me or just sit there with me doing nothing. Even if we are not talking to each other, there is great joy in waking up to find another human being next to you; sitting on the table to share a meal with another human being who cares… I want to be a child when I grow old, surrounded by love!
Many people get into marriage because they are advancing in years. I am not a marriage counsellor, but if you could stop and talk to people who have divorced after a few years of marriage you will take even ten years to court.
Identify someone who has the qualities you want and grow with them. Improve your relationship to a level where you are confident that nothing can separate you. Learn from successful couples about what it takes to stick by each other. Build yourselves up and try to find as many activities that you can do together as the years go by; that will keep you close.
Do not spend all your time chasing after money or trying to please people who don’t care about you. Think about the life you want to live after all the energy to make money and run around is gone. You will not need a divorced partner and a bunch of worried children. You will need the company of a loving partner. This happiness cannot be built in a day.
You don’t just walk into a marriage without thorough preparation and expect it to hold. You have to fortify yourselves, nurture care and lay a strong foundation that can withstand all manner of storms. If you do that, you will enjoy your marriage for as long as you live.
A happy individual makes a progressive nation. Happy marriages are also linked to a longer life.
Today pause and think; why do you want to get married? If you marry for the right reason, you will have many happy tomorrows.